When I’m trusting someone else to help me with a process or system that has far reaching consequences if not done properly, I get scared. I wonder if I’ve hired the right person. I get nervous if I don’t hear back from them after a couple of days, an email, a phone call. My mind starts to play out different scenarios and travel down dark and winding paths while I wait for the mechanic, accountant, lawyer, doctor, computer genius to get back to me.

I have handed a big chunk of my life over to these people, and probably a large chunk of money and not a small amount of my faith and trust. I hired them because I don’t know the terrain and I need them to guide me.  If they leave me standing on the path alone, without letting me know they’ve just gone to restock our supplies, I start to worry. I can’t read their minds, or see into their office to know that they have read my email or received my voice-mail and are working on the issue diligently. I only know that if they write back “received your message, I’m working on this now and will get back to you.” Or if I get a phone call that says “We are still running the engine diagnostics, we’ll call as soon as we know something” or “the test results will be in by tomorrow” or “Your motherboard is fine, we are just checking on  the flibbertigibbit.”

The point of this post? To point out that it’s good for me to be reminded that clients are putting their trust and their faith in me, that they are paying me money not only to provide them with legal services but also to guide them down the strange and winding paths and get them safely to the other side. To take the giant stacks of papers from their dining room tables and make sense of them all.  To tell them “it will be ok. Here is what we need to do.” To return their phone calls, and respond to their emails. To explain things in words they understand.

The point is also to remind other attorneys (and accountants and mechanics and computer geniuses and doctors and real estate brokers and architects and financial advisers) who read this of the same thing.

Often, clients put off calling an attorney to help them with their legal issues.  These are some of the common things I hear form folks, and some ways to maybe get you past them.

1. You don’t know what to say when you call the lawyer. It’s a bit like calling a plumber. “My sink won’t drain.” Then the plumber asks you some questions and probably makes an appointment to help you fix it.  When you call the lawyer you can say “I think I need a Will” then the lawyer will ask you some questions and guide the process from there.

If you don’t even know what you need, then it can be like when I call tech support. “My computer is being all weird. Help!”  Then the tech asks some questions and helps figure out what is wrong and how they can fix it.  Likewise, you can call the attorney and say “my mom was just diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I have no idea what to do next.”  The attorney, or their client services person, will ask you some questions and help figure out the best thing to do next.

And just like when I call tech support, it’s ok if you cry when you call an attorney.

2. You are afraid you can’t afford it. That’s a legitimate concern. Legal services can be expensive. Some types of cases like divorces or other litigation cases can cost tens of thousands of dollars. But, other things, like putting a guardianship nomination in place for your children or drafting a Will can be a much more manageable expense.

An attorney may be able to give you a range of fees, and what those fees are based on. I try to do that on the “Fees” page of this site.  But, you won’t know if you don’t ask.  The attorney will probably need to meet with you and go over your situation in detail before they can give you a better idea of the cost. Sometimes there may be different courses of action that will affect the cost, so you should ask about options.

3. You haven’t made all of your decisions yet. This is perfectly ok. Part of the first meeting with an attorney is going over different choices and decisions and helping you through those.  Sometimes even if you have made decisions, you find out after talking to your attorney that a different decision would be a better one. So, just as it’s ok to walk into the hairdresser knowing you want something different but knowing quite what, it’s ok to meet with your attorney while you are still trying to decide which sibling to name as guardian or how to distribute property to different charities.

4.  You haven’t made any decisions yet. This is ok, too. I often meet with people who don’t know enough about what the responsibilities of a guardian, or a trustee, or an executor are to be able to figure out who they want to appoint in those roles.  Or you and your spouse can’t agree on things. Part of a consultation with an attorney is helping you walk through choices, explaining legal terms in ways you can understand and making sure you are comfortable with your choices before more forward.

5. You think there is no point to planning. I hear this frequently from young people who don’t own a lot of property or don’t have children. They think the only part of “planning your estate” is saying what will happen to your stuff after you die, and they have no stuff so there’s no need to plan. That may be true (and actually the Commonwealth has a law that says what happens to your stuff if you die without a will) but sometimes young people are in accidents that make them unable to make health care decisions for themselves or handle their finances. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to have a plan in place to say who would make health care decisions for you and make sure your mortgage or rent payments (and student loan and credit card bills) were paid on time until you recovered?

6. You are afraid of what will happen if you take the first step. Sometimes clients come to see me and have put it off because they were afraid that meeting with me would put into a place a spiral of events that they couldn’t stop. This actually isn’t the case.  If we meet, and I give you legal advice on your situation and maybe offer some advice and different options, you can decide not to proceed at this time. You can decide that just knowing what will happen if your spouse needs nursing home care is enough for you to handle at this point, and if you aren’t ready to start making changes. That’s ok.  You are now making this decision with knowledge, rather than out of fear or ignorance.  The same goes for other types of legal matters – you can meet with a divorce attorney to find out your options, and then decide that you don’t want to start the process after all.  Or you may meet with an attorney about suing someone and decide afterward that you really don’t want to.  And it’s ok to say “I’m not ready to proceed with this now.”

Are there other things that are holding you back? Have you heard other examples from clients about what made them hesitate to call you?

Clients have shown me their different collections, describing where they got each one and who would get it after they died. One client took me around her house to show me some of her treasures – who did I think the Japanese tea set should go to? and would anyone want the dining table or should it just be sold at a yard sale? had she shown me the picture of herself as a young girl in Poland? We had tea and lemon cake and talked about her friends at her widow support group – there was a bit of a scandel going on: one was flirting with the other’s boyfriend.  That was when it dawned on me that people – whether they are 16 or 75 – are pretty much the same. We want to think we matter, that our lives matter, and that people will want the things that represented our lives after we are gone, (and we certainly don’t want anyone else flirting with our boyfriend.) This same client always insisted on a hug when I arrived, and when I was leaving.

Meeting with clients in their home gives me a glimpse into their lives that I wouldn’t get if I just met with them at my office. This can help me figure out what they really need and want for their future plans, it can let me know if their home is safe, and if they have enough food. If necessary I can talk to them about other services that might be available to help them with these issues. It also provides them with companionship that many elderly are lacking. I consider it an honor to be invited into my clients’ homes, and it is one of my favorite parts of the work I do.