How To Decide Who Gets What

One of the things that often stalls people when they are contemplating their estate plan is deciding who will get particular items of personal property such as jewelry, artwork, family heirlooms and furniture. Sometimes they will say “they can just sell it all” or “they’ll work it out amongst themselves” (this one sometimes makes me shudder, since in the midst of grief people often have have trouble “working things out amongst themselves.”)

Some ways you could make it easier on your family when it comes to distribute your personal items is:

1. Talk to your family members now about what they want or don’t want. Then talk to your attorney about how to work these decisions in your estate plan.
2. Have your family members draw straws or playing cards and then use that order to do a ’round-robin selection of items.
3. Leave a memo to guide your executor, with their decision being final in the event of a dispute. Be as detailed as possible with the descriptions of the items, and include pictures if possible.

Tips for family members who find themselves arguing about who is getting what:

1. Avoid walking around the deceased’s house during the wake and putting stickers on each item you want,
2. Keep the big picture in mind: do you want a continuing good relationship with your siblings more than you want the memento?
3. Think about rotating possession of a favorite item: maybe your sister can keep the special item for 6 months and then you can have it at your house for 6 months. If it’s a seasonal item like a special Christmas ornament, consider alternating years.
4. For pictures and artwork, consider getting professional reproductions made so that there are more items to go around.  We did this with art work my grandmother had painted and drawn and now we all have her pictures on our walls.
5. Take the necessary steps to be sure that you aren’t leaving your heirs in the same position.

(Photo: author’s own.)