Keeping up with your record keeping duties and filing all accounts in a timely manner are all part of your responsibilities as a fiduciary. You can also hire an accountant or an attorney to assist you with this work.

• Keep walkways clear of snow, leaves, rocks, toys, etc. Little legs that are just learning to walk can trip and fall. And older bodies with eyes and balance that might not be as good as they were need a clear path to stay safe. Also using a stroller or a walker is easier on clear ground.
• Check the hot water temperature. Both baby skin and the skin of elderly people is more susceptible to burns from hot water. Keep both ages safe by turning the temperature down a few degrees to avoid accidental scalding.
• Keep the rooms warm enough. Ever wonder why nursing homes often feel over-heated? It’s because the elderly have a harder time regulating their body temperature. Babies do, too (and they move around less so they aren’t generating their own heat.) Consider turning up the thermostat a few degrees, and being sure to provide lap blankets and sweaters if needed.
• They both like to be involved! Just because a baby can’t talk doesn’t mean they should be left out of activities. Likewise, an older relative with hearing or vision issues shouldn’t be left out either. Figure out a way to integrate people of all ages into the fun. (Somehow even when my grandmother had trouble with her vision, she still managed to beat me at Chinese Checkers!)
• Treasure them while they are here! Babies grow up fast, and people don’t live forever. Slow down and treasure your time with them. Take pictures, write down funny things they say and enjoy them!

Shel Silverstein has a lovely poem about the similarities between our older and younger selves. Click here to read “The Little Boy and The Old Man.“

Do you know what the answer most often is? Walking.

It’s true: my clients who remain healthy and active (and at home) the longest are those who have a regular, daily habit of walking. Some of them walk around the block a few times a day, others are walking 3 miles a day.

I bet in addition to the good workout they are getting, they are also benefiting from the social aspects of walking with friends or seeing neighbors, and the fresh air and sunshine that our bodies need.

(Other tips my clients have given me: practicing forgiveness, being kind to other people and having a small glass of wine a few times a week during a good card game.)

Some of the things you will want to talk about:

• Whether the prospective guardians want to serve. They may already be named by other friends or relatives and have their plate full. They may also have medical or other issues that make them uncomfortable about serving. Respect their decision if they say “no, thank you.”
• The financial arrangements you have in place. Assure the guardians that you have made adequate arrangements with your finances so that your children will be provided for without putting a hardship on the guardians.
• The family members you want your children to stay in touch with. Provide your prospective guardians with a list of family members that you want your children to keep in touch with in the event both parents pass away. If there are family members you have concerns about, let your guardians know about them, too.
• Your children’s medical and educational information. Keep an updated list of your child’s medical and educational information and let your guardians know where this information is located.
• Your children’s habits, routines and activities.  This can be a document that you update yearly letting your guardians know about your children’s habits and routines. This can be especially helpful if your guardians do not see your children on a regular basis. It can also be a nice way to record memories of your children for you and them to look back on later.

While your guardians will hopefully never need to serve, be sure to take the time to make things easier for them, and your children, if they ever need to.  Then, call your attorney to put the legal documents in place to make sure your choice of guardian will be honored.

Here are some of the benefits to having co-guardians:

• Someone is available if a guardian needs or wants to travel or take a break,
• There is less of a likelihood of needing court proceedings if one of the guardians passes away,
• Sometimes a parent and other adult child will serve as co-guardians of a family member so that when the parent passes away the adult child can continue to serve (and will already be familiar with the role of guardian),
• Having shared decision making power can help relieve the burden of serving as guardian.

Some things to keep in mind are that the guardians will need to agree on major decisions such as medical care, housing and work.  This may not always work in all families so take some time to consider whether co-guardians will work in your case before taking on that responsibility.

1. Plan respite care and support before you need it. Don’t set yourself and your parent up for failure by trying to take on too much at once. Make sure to plan breaks for yourself (and your parent) by providing for other caregivers, and seek out caregiver support groups. Be sure to keep up with healthy eating and exercise so you can stay healthy.

2. Set rules and assign tasks. Make sure your parents know your “house rules” about smoking, noise levels and include them in the chore divisions, too.  If you have children living at home, make sure to review the rules with them, too.

3. Protect everyone’s privacy. Make sure your parent has a door they can shut and latch. Remember to knock before entering a room.  Provide a place for them to speak on the telephone privately.

4. Have regular check-in meetings. Consider having a monthly family meeting to review how things are working and talk about any issues that have come up.

5. Allow time for adjustment. Give every one time to get used to the plan. Don’t make any drastic decisions for the first couple of weeks, but do talk about issues that are coming up in the early date.

6. Know when to institute “Plan B.” Have a back-up plan for if things don’t work out. Maybe have your parent keep their apartment or their house, or have visited some other living arrangements so that if things don’t work out you have a Plan B in place.

The tips in this post were inspired by the book “How To Care For Aging Parents” by Virginia Morris.

1. Do you get along? If you can’t even get through an afternoon visit without tension and disagreements, chances are that living together will not make things easier. If you live with spouse, partner or children, you need to think about whether they all get along with your parent as well.

2. Do you have the space? Is there room for your parent to move in with some of their belongings while not displacing any family members and allowing your parent to have privacy? No one should end up sleeping in the living room.

3. Is your house safe and accessible? Make sure your parent will have, and continue to have as their needs change, access to full bathroom facilities, the ability to get outside and the ability to get to the common areas where family members spend time together. Consider having a contractor review to house and make any needed adjustments like adding grab bars or removing thresholds to make using a walker or wheelchair easier.

4. Are there other family or friends nearby? Consider whether there are other family members who can (and will) come and visit. Will your parent be leaving all of their friends, or can they still get together with the people who are important to them?

5. What community resources are available? Are there activities for your parent to engage in nearby such as a senior center, art classes, yoga, or other things they enjoy? Can they drive there? Is there other transportation available?

6. Does he or she want to move in with you? Even if all other factors point to yes, if you parent would rather live independently with support services or move into an assisted living residence, respect their wishes. Do not try to force anything.

This tips in this post were inspired by “How To Care for Aging Parents” by Virginia Morris.

These tips come from Beverly Moore’s book, Matters of the Mind and Heart.

1. Provide visual cues for tasks. Put a spoon in her hand and say “stir the batter”, rather than just saying “stir the batter” and expecting her to go find a spoon and know what to do with it. This helps the person stay involved in cooking projects.

2. Mirror the visual cue. Act out the task you want them to take part in before expecting them to do it on their own. If you are making cookies, use the cookie cutter a few times before handing it over to them.

3. Remove distractions. Don’t have the TV or radio on while you are cooking or eating, as this can be distracting and confusing. Avoid chatty talking if she’s concentrating on an activity.

4. Do the activity with them. A person with dementia cannot do a task on their own for an extended period of time without guidance.

5. Create a pleasant experience. People with dementia will remember how they felt, even if they can’t remember what they did. By creating a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, they will know it feels good to be around you and that they enjoyed themselves, even if they can’t recall specific events.

I remember when I was little trying to figure out a gift for my nana at Christmas. My mother used to to tell me that my grandmother didn’t want more stuff, but rather something from our heart.  A picture, a sleepover (where she let me cheat at go-fish and eat chocolate chips) or some help around the yard.

Now that my mother is a nana and my siblings and I are getting older we concentrate on not giving more “stuff” at Christmas.  We give gifts from the heart that don’t need dusting and won’t go out with the next batch of de-cluttering.

Here are some of the things we like to exchange with each other (the small children still get lots of sparkly, noisy fun stuff):

• Tasty local food items, like Nella Pasta,
• Knitted or sewn hats, scarves or reusable bags for groceries,
• Five Wishes Living Wills, yes, I actually put these in people’s stockings one year…
• Wine, or a favorite liquor,
• Gift certificates so people can pick out things they’ve been wishing for,
• Moleskine notebooks, everyone needs one of these, don’t they?
• Pre-made meals. One year I made little frozen pizzas for everyone. They were a big hit. Stacey Mafera of Errands, Etc. makes and delivers meals locally.
• A gift certificate for an errand service, like Errands, Etc. or Admins and Errands.
• A donation to a charity about a cause they believe in, or to support a part of the world they love to travel to.
• Cleaning out their car, gutters or basement. (Get their permission first! Not everyone can so easily part with their things.)

What can you give this holiday season that is from the heart, doesn’t collect dust and will be treasured all year long?

Photo source: author’s personal photo.

(Note: I repost this list every year, and every year I find something to add to it. Share your ideas below.)

As Pamela writes,

the workbook helps parents provide information about their special needs child to future caregivers and trustees. By using the charts and answering the questions in this workbook, parents will know that when they are no longer here to take care of their child, those entrusted with that responsibility will know enough about their child’s unique personality and lifestyle to make informed, consistent decisions for that child. And the parents will also know that their own loving choices and the values important to them will continue to be used in making life decisions for their child.

You can order this booklet by clicking here, and the book is available in print or electronic form.