April is Health Care Decisions month, the month when you are supposed to sign health care proxies and talk to your family about your “end of life wishes.” I know many people will sign health care proxies, but I wonder how many will take that next step to communicate their wishes to their families, or to even consider what their wishes are.
A health care proxy is invoked when your doctors have determined that you are unable to make or communicate health care decisions for yourself, and someone needs to speak on your behalf. Maybe you’ve been in a car accident and are unconscious, or have had a stroke and cannot move or speak, or have advanced dementia and cannot understand the situation enough to know what decision to make.
Stop for a moment and imagine this situation.
Then imagine that something needs to be done – a blood transfusion after an accident, a feeding tube inserted after a stroke, CPR because of a heart attack suffered when you have advanced dementia.
Do you know what you would want done? Does your family? Do your doctors?
The decisions aren’t the same for everyone and there is no “right answer.” It depends on your age, health conditions, religious beliefs, family experiences, and more. What you would have wanted at one time, may change as your health changes.
When your doctor turns to your health care proxy and says “what should we do?” you want them to be able to know, with confidence, what you would want. Because they are not making their own decision, they are communicating your decision. And they can’t do this if you haven’t told them what you wanted. It’s a hard enough position to be in already, don’t make it harder by putting the burden on them to decide.
Help your health care proxy by thinking about your wishes, by writing those wishes down (this often helps us learn what we are thinking) and then sharing those wishes with your family or whomever you are appointing to serve in this role.
Share them early and often. I do. I gave everyone in my family a copy of the Five Wishes Living Will for Christmas one year. (The perfect stocking stuffer!) I update mine every so often, sometimes prompted by media stories, and revisit it often to see if there is anything I want to add or change. And I make sure the people I’ve appointed to act on my behalf know what I want and where to find the document so that in a moment of crisis, they can be reassured that they are making my decision, not theirs.
It’s not morbid, it’s kind.
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