There’s No Right (or Wrong) Time to Talk About It

iStock_000002559018XSmallPeople often think that you need to have “the talk” about important subjects.  As though having one giant conversation at some magic age with your kids about sex or drugs or drinking will be sufficient to last them through out the rest of their growing up years.

And very often my older clients think they need to have “the talk” with their adult kids about their estate plan, or their wishes for medical care, or who gets what heirloom.  They try to figure out what the “right time” will be to bring up these subjects and don’t want to ruin a holiday dinner by talking about it or can never find the time to get everyone together.

What I try to stress to my clients is that there is no perfect time, and there isn’t just one conversation.  You can bring something up while standing next to each other washing dishes, “I just wanted to let you know that our imporant papers are in the lock box in the hall closet, just in case you ever need them.”  Or if a relative is sick, or you see a news story about end of life care, you can say “Just so you know, I’ve appointed Susan to make decisions for me if something happens. I’ve told her what my wishes are, but I want to let you know, too…” Or if you mainly communicate by email or Skype, bring it up that way.

For some people, it may make sense to talk about it more formally, especially if they are having trouble deciding who to appoint, or want to get their children’s input on what to do with the family home after the parents have passes away (does anyone want to buy it? can they all agree to sell it?). In that case, you can let people know what the meeting will be about, have an agenda, and remember that not everything has to be resolved at the first meeting.  You could even do what one of my clients did, he invited his kids over for a pizza party after he signed all of his estate planning documents to review with them.

The important thing is that you talk about.  Even if you need to bribe your children with pizza.

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