The Huffington Post had a recent article on 4 dangerous myths about choose guardians for your children.
The myths in the article are:
1. That there is a perfect match for your children, you just have to figure out who that is and then you’ll get the Will in order . The truth is, there is no one more perfect for your children than you. Trying to find your clone will not work. Think about your friends and family, and your children and try to envision where they would be most comfortable and safe and happy. Remember, you can always change your change your choice as your children grown and change.
2. Someone will just step up, you don’t need to pick someone. The danger here is that you are leaving the choice in the hands of a judge who has never met your children, and you aren’t around to say “no, wait, that’s not who I would have wanted!” Be the parent that your children need you to be, and make a choice. Then take the steps needed to put that choice in legal documents so that you are choosing for your children, and not leaving it up to chance.
3. You’ve written a letter or an email with your wishes, and think that’s enough. Do you think that the file hidden in your computer is sufficient? Or that the letter on pretty stationary in your desk will be honored by the police if they came to your house following an accident with you and your spouse? While it is good that you have thought this through and made a decision, Massachusetts has a legally binding guardianship proxy form, it’s easy to fill out and makes your wishes clear. Take the next step and make it legal.
4. You don’t have to ask the guardians, since they will probably never need to serve and you don’t want to have that conversation. The danger here is that you won’t be around when they need to serve, so you should talk to them now about your wishes (in addition to writing them down.) Make sure they want that role, and assure them that you’ve appointed alternates to serve if they can’t, and let them know that they should alert you if they don’t feel they are able to serve in the future (due to a divorce, addictions, moving out of the area, etc.). Also let them know that you have provided financially for your children so that they do not think they will need to do so. In addition, if your child has special needs make sure they feel comfortable taking on the additional responsibilities.
Want to download a free worksheet to help you select guardians? Click here.
This is so on-target. People should also realize that they can have a different person be a temporary guardian, and yet another person can be a trustee. They don’t have to make up their minds to one person or couple. They don’t have to go through the deciding process alone either. That’s a large part of what an estate planning lawyer does, in my view – our job is to help the client make decisions and get the decisions down on paper.