Talking to Your Family About Your Estate Plan

In addition to meeting with your attorney to discuss your estate plan (your Wills, Durable Powers of Attorney, Health Care Proxies, Trusts, etc.) you should also talk with your family about your plan.  If you have children you are appointing as executors or agents, they need to know this and should agree to be appointed.  If you have minor children, you need to talk to the people you are nominating as guardians to make sure that they agree to take on this responsibility.

There are several opportunities to talk to your loved ones:

1.  Before you meet with your attorney:  If you have started thinking about putting your plans in writing, and you have a pretty good idea of who you want to appoint, you can bring up the subject and ask if they would agree to be nominated as your executor or agent.  Often, if you are appointing your children they may ask "are you dying?" when you bring this up, but you can remind them that everyone needs a plan for what would happen in the event of incapacity or death, and you are just choosing to take care of it while you are healthy. 

2.  After you meet with your attorney:  If you are working on your plan for the first time, and aren't quite sure who to appoint, your attorney can talk to you about what the different roles entail, and ask you questions to help you determine who the best choice would be.  Remember, there is no "rule" about who you have to appoint - you do not have to appoint your children in order from oldest to youngest, you do not have to nominate a relative to serve as guardian for your children, and you do not have to have the same person appointed in each document.  After you meet with your attorney and narrow down your choices, you should then speak to the people to make sure they will accept this responsibility. 

After my clients sign their documents, and have spoken to their agents, I send a letter to the people they have appointed explaining what their duties are, and request that they sign an acknowledgment form showing that they understand what they need to do in the event they are required to act on behalf of their parent or friend.  This also gives them the chance to contact me with questions before there is a crisis, and of course, I am available to assist them in carrying out their duties if there is a crisis.

So, make sure you talk to the people you are thinking of appointing as your agent or representative, it will give you peace of mind to know they have agreed, and it will give them a chance to make sure they understand what is being asked of them.